Don't Call Me Lorelei
By crazyliftyfangirl

Chapter 5: Beware: Whispy Woods!

WARNING: Contains some bad language and mild violence.

DISCLAIMER: Kirby: Right Back At Ya! belongs to 4Kids, Nintendo, and HAL. Friday the 13th (it's referenced in this chapter) isn't mine either. I only one the plot and my character, Lori.

--

I was at work that day. I was about to serve a Cappy family their meatloaf. Until my cell phone started ringing, of course.

"Hello?" I asked in a monotone voice.

"Hi, Lori, it's me, Tiff..."

"What's the problem this time?"

"Uh... Kirby's gone missing."

"WHAT?!" I screamed so loud that a Cappie kid dropped his fell off his chair.

"We were out for a walk and he just sort of disappeared."

"You're his god-damn baby-sister! How can he go MISSING?!" I shouted. I wasn't in a good mood.

"My word, what a rude waitress!" the Cappy mother huffed. I glared at her and she quickly went back to eating.

Tiff continued, "we might need to you to help us look for him..."

"Fine," I huffed, then hung up. It was going to be another of those days, I could feel it in my bones.

If I had any bones.

--

I arrived ten or fifteen minutes later at the forest. Tiff and Tuff were there (still no Kirby) and Tokkori was buzzing around like a mosquito. Tiff noticed me. "Hi, Lori. We're still looking-"

I waved a hand. "Yeah yeah, kiddo. I gotta get back to work at some point today, and I want to find Kirby before it gets dark."

Tuff frowned at me under his mop of hair. "Why are you so moody today?"

"Stress, hormones, and skipped meals," I answered sharply, "all that leads up to a very moody Lori."

Tokkori looked as if he wanted to make some sarcastic comment, but he kept quiet. I think he's a bit afraid of me. Instead, he settled on Tuff's head.

After a while, we found Kirby eating a trail of apples. "What's he doing?" Tuff asked.

"Eating," I replied in a "no duh" voice.

"That kid's a hog, not a hero," Tokkori said under his breath. I flicked him off Tuff's head as if he were a bug. My friend, Rick, who had been standing there the whole time, told me, "Kirby's going to wreck the forest if you don't stop 'im." I hated to admit it, but he was right.

"See you, Rick!" I told me before dashing off. I wasn't one to stick around much.

--

We were repeatedly calling Kirby's name. It was getting dark, just as I feared. We'd been in the woods for ages. I had an idea. "Kirby, if you don't come out right now, you're going to miss supper!" I called. Kirby loved food. He ate literally whatever I gave him at mealtime.

"I say we pack it in," Tokkori said, landing on a tree branch. He was right. I was tired, hungry, and grumpy. "Okay, but then you gotta be goin' back home," Tuff said, walking over to Tokkori's tree.

"Kirby is never full," Tiff sighed as her brother sat down.

"But he can't go on eating apples forever," Tuff said, making himself comfortable.

"He's got a bottomless belly," I agreed, "You're lucky you don't live him him. Two words: food bills. Where does all that food GO anyway?"

Tiff looked thoughtful. "The only thing I can think of is that is goes in another dimension!"

"You think so?" Tuff looked amazed.

"Could be," I shrugged. It was the only thing that seemed somewhat logical. Crows flew by overhead. Tiff noticed the orange sky. "It's getting late. Let's go back to town. Maybe Chief Book'em can help us."

She started to walk away, but Tuff stopped her. "Where are you goin'?" he asked her.

"Cappytown."

"But we gotta back the way we came in and it was that way." Tuff pointed in the opposite direction.

"I think it was that way," I said, pointing left.

"Me too!" Tokkori added.

Tiff's eye twitched. "Great, now we're lost too." She sounded like she was on the verge of a breakdown. And I thought I was supposed to be the messed-up one of the group.

I looked around. Trees, and beyond that, more trees, and beyond THOSE trees, even more trees. Tiff was right. We were lost. And I had just realized where were were.

"Crap," I muttered, "We're in Whispy Woods."

Whispy Woods, as far as I was concerned, was a death trap. It was home of the ruler of Whispy Woods Forest--Whispy Woods. I heard he was supposed to be wise, protective, caring, and even vengeful at times. Whispy is often a step ahead of everyone else in the forest, and always outsmarts people who try to cut him down. He is adored by the many creatures of the forest.

"Wonder how we get out of here." Tiff looked nervous.

"The only thing I remember about this forest,"--Tokkori was trembling--"is what Coo told me." Coo was Tokkori's best friend. He put up with Tokkori's obnoxious behaviour almost 24/7. But Tokkori looked so scared I felt a bit sorry for him.

"Tokkori, chill out!" Tuff ordered. Tokkori looked faint at whatever he was remembering.

"Tokkori, why don't you fly around?" I suggested, "if you find a way out, you can come back and tell us where it is."

"D-d-do I have to?" Tokkori stammered.

"Yes! Now quite shakin' and start flappin'!" Tuff commanded.

"I'll try!" Tokkori said, kind of quietly, and flew off until he was just a speck of yellow in the darkened sky.

I hope he doesn't ditch us, I thought, because if I does, I really will shoot him.

--

Tiff, Tuff, and I were all leaning against the tree. An hour or so had passed. "Hey, you guys," Tuff said. He seemed to have woken up.

"What?" Tiff opened her eyes.

"Do you think Tokkori found a way back to Cappytown yet?"

"I hope so. But I hope he didn't go home and go to sleep!"

Tuff promptly freaked out at this idea, so I pulled him down and put a hand over his mouth. After he settled down, he asked me, "Why'd you do that? Is something wrong?"

"I think something's out there," I whispered. I had heard a rustling in the bushes.

The three of us stood up asa the rustling continued. It was just like in that campy 1980 horror movie, Friday the 13th. That movie had made me laugh instead of scream, but I really didn't want Pamela Voorhees to decapitate me, thank you very much.

Tiff and Tuff screamed when they heard a twig snap and ducked behind me. I looked for a rock to throw, but found none. Instead, I called, "Show yourself! We're not afraid of you!"

"Yes we are," Tuff whimpered, and I shushed him again. When nothing happened, I grabbed a stick, ran over to the bush, and...

THWACK!

Kirby cried out in pain. The branch had left a red mark on his head. I dropped the stick at once and leaned over him. "Oh my God! I'm so sorry!"

"Kirby!" Tiff exclaimed. Tuff fell over from either shock, relief, or both.

"Never sneak up on someone, Kirby!" I lectured, helping Kirby up, "you could've gotten hurt! And don't wander off! I had to leave work today because of this! You had me worried sick!"

"She's right!" Tiff agreed. Tuff nodded.

"What do you have to say for yourself, Kirby?" I asked sternly. Kirby looked sad, and mumured, "Poyo."

Tiff and Tuff giggled, and eventually burst out laughing. I smiled a little, and brushed myself and Kirby off. Kirby started laughing too.

The moment was cut off when Tokkori flew in, screaming his head off. He flew circles around the tree, until Tiff yelled, "Tokkori!" He then dropped to the ground. After recovering, he scrambled over. "Say, it's good ol' Kirby!" He looked somewhat frazzled. Maybe he was flying for too long and it messed with his brain.

"Yeah yeah yeah, all that jazz, have you found a way back to Cappytown yet?" I demanded.

"Yeah, I found it, but it ain't easy to hold on to-" Tokkori began, but I interuppted, "Can you show us the way, then?"

"Uh... no, I don't remember which way..."

"DAMN IT, TOKKORI!" I bet my scream could be heard miles away. "You know what? Forget it. We're camping out here. It's hopeless." I threw up my arms.

"All right!" Tuff cheered. Tiff was already pulling out sleeping bags. Tokkroi sighed. "If anyone's going to be telling ghost stories, count me out."

--

We had set up a bonfire and tent. "Oh well, at least we have a campfire," Tiff was saying. Tuff said something else, but I didn't catch it. I was too tired to be paying much attention to anything. Kirby was resting on my lap (if I had a lap). I felt his posistion shift, and Tokkori's screech and flutter of wings. "HE'S GONNA EAT ME!" the bird squawked. Even though I was sleepy, I chuckled.

Tiff and Tuff began talking again, and that's the last thing I remember besides leaning against the tree and feeling myself doze off. I was asleep almost a minute when the ground starting shaking. I shook myself awake. "W-what? What's going on?"

"Put out that fire," a raspy voice said.

I jumped out. "I WAS RIGHT! IT'S PAMELA VOORHEES! GET THE AXE! SHE'S BACK FROM THE DEAD!"

There was an awkward silence. Finally, Tuff asked, "Who's Pamela Voorhees?"

Ugh. I'd been watching too many eightie's horror films. "N-no one. I must have been dreaming."

"Put it out." The voice was back.

"I don't think you were dreaming," Tuff stammered, looking around.

"I know why you've come here," the voice croaked. A vine arose from the ground a few feet away from us, and before I knew it, it hardened into wood. Suddenly, we were surrounded by what looked like huge pointy sticks! We were trapped!

"They're tree roots," Tiff whimpered, backed up against the tree.

"FLY FOR YOUR LIVES!" Tokkori shrilled, but a root slapped him back to the ground. The roots cut right through the tent. The kids all screamed again, but there appeared to be no escape. The tree behind us quivered. Suddenly, a face began to take shape. I knew at once who it must be.

"Whispy Woods." My voice sounded quiet, even to me.

"Hey, we heard alotta about you!" Tuff said to the tree.

"Don't hurt me Whispy! I ain't no woodcutter!" Tokkori was grovelling. I glared at him.

"We heard you. You have all come here to destroy me!" Whispy sounded accusing.

"No way! I'm pro-enviromentalist!" I argued, "I support animal rights! I don't litter!"

Whispy ignored me. "I know all about you. A friend of mine told me about your plan to destroy me!"

"Who can that be?" Tiff wondered aloud. I was already getting ideas, but instead said, "Believe us, we wouldn't do that."

"Oh, is that so? Then why did you start a fire beneath me?"

"We were camping-" I began, but Tiff cut me off. "Let's start from scratch. I'm Tiff, any my parents are Sir Ebrum and Lady Like."

"Yeah, and I'm her brother Tuff!"

"I'm Tokkori, and I'm 100% pro-tree! And this is Kirby."

"I'm Kirby's legal guardian, Lori," I greeted. I didn't want say 'adoptive mother'. "Nice to meet you," I added as an afterthought.

"Wanna shake a branch?" Tuff asked in a friendly voice, sticking out a hand. I thought we were being nice enough, but Whispy snapped, "You're not fooling me! You came here to destroy Whispy Woods!"

"That isn't true Whispy!" Tiff insisted nervously.

"You put your fire so close to me that you burned my leaves." He looked really mad. Everyone backed away from him. "Several trees have already parished due to fires like yours." As he spoke, his branches extended so we were surrounded by them. "Now I will punish you all for trying to destroy me!"

I lost my patience. "LOOK, TREE! YOU'RE BEING PARANOID!" I took a twig, held it to the fire, and set it afflame. "NOW LET US GO! OR I WILL BURN YOU!" Oops. Me and my big mouth. I regretted saying that literally nanoseconds later.

"I'll show you all!" Whispy was so angry that he shook. His apples began falling towards us. Before I knew it, little red balls of doom were raining down on us. You ever got hit in the head with hard fruit? Will, if you have, you'd know I felt at that moment.

"DUCK AND COVER! DUCK AND COVER!" Tokkori yelled as we all ran (or in his case flew) around.

"Kirby!" Tiff cried as she ran past him.

"Suck 'em up!" I pleaded him as I covered my head/eyestalks while scrambling left. Kirby blinked, and began to inhale. But there were too many apples! He choked and sputtered. Soon, we were all drowning in the dreaded fruit. I've never given much thought to how I would die (A/N Very small "Twilight" reference), but I had never expected it to be like this.

I felt myself reawaken when I felt Tuff shaking me. "Lori, look!"

I followed his gaze to a light behind the trees. It was moving. Like headlights on a car. Wait... it WAS a car! A jeep. Dedede's jeep. I could hear rough laughter, and I knew my theory was right. Dedede was behind this! I grinded my teeth together in anger.

I heard him pull up next to the apples. "My plan worked. I laid a trail of apples, Kirby followed them, and Kirby got buried in applelaunche!" The bad pun made everyone cringe.

I heard Whispy's voice. He sounded gentle now. "If you hadn't warned me, king, these outlaws would have destroyed Whispy Woods. Thanks to your letter I stopped them."

"That bastard!" I growled, forgetting I was with children, while Tokkori chimed in, "That dang Dedede!"

Tiff shushed me while Tuff grabbed Tokkori's beak.

"I guess you can't protect yourself very well without apples." Escargoon was there as well. He sounded bored.

"Yes, that's true," Whispy confessed, "it does take time for new apples to grow from my branches. But with my enemies gone, I'll be safe."

Dedede spoke again. "Don't bet on it, Whispy." He sounded a bit devious.

"We've gotta little surprise for ya, sappy," Escargoon said. I pictured his smirk and clenched my fists.

A funny-whirring sound began, followed by Dedede's laughter.

"What's that thing?" Whispy asked.

Dedede chuckled. "That's my new laser saw." When he said 'laser' it sounded like 'lazzah'.

Whispy said, "But you need no weapon, I've already conquered the marauders."

"Don't you get anything, woodman? The only one we're after is you," Escargoon sneered.

"At first we tried tracking you down ourselves, but-" I never heard the rest of Dedede's sentence, because at that moment, I had lost my temper, and was ranting, "HowcouldheohwhenIgetmyhandsonhimIswearhe'sgonnaregretwhat'saboutto-"

Tiff put a hand over my mouth, silencing me. I listened again, still fuming, but no longer yelling.

Escargoon was saying, "...the letter tricked you, and now prepare to have your trunk trunkated!"

"Trunkated?" Tuff repeated. Tiff shrugged.

"Why? Why do you want to cut me down?" Whispy asked.

"I gotta plan to wipe out this here land but I can't cut down all your leafy friends until I cut their leader off." Dedede was obviously proud of his twisted scheme.

"I won't let you destroy my kingdom!" Whispy protested, but it was too late. Dedede started up his jeep again. I could feel the apples above us being sliced in two. Whispy screamed, which sounded as hoarse as his voice. Before I knew it, Whispy collasped. The four of us went flying out of the crapload of apples!

After a minute of catching our breath, Tuff asked, "What do we do now, Tiff?"

"I wonder what Dedede's up too," she said to herself. I shrugged. "Who knows? Who cares?"

Tiff looked at me. "Did you say something, Lori?"

"She's right! We gotta get all of here!" Tokkori agreed with me. Everyone cried out in surprise as more roots surrounded us. Was Whispy still alive?! I looked around. Three trees surrounded us. They didn't look happy. "You are enemies of the forest!" one declared.

"You've destoyed our king!" the second snarled.

"Now we'll destroy you!" the third shouted. They weren't scary, just annoying. But they were still dangerous. Kirby, how was standing next to me, tripped over a root. Tokkori flew off his head, and Kirby spat out some of the apples, which were still in great condition--not digested or anything! That was bizarre...

One of the trees picked it up with a vine. "Where did this come from?" It/he was examining it, looking suspicious.

"Kirby spat it out," I explained quickly, "he's been eating apples all day!"

"Did these apples come from Whispy Woods?"

"We don't know," I answered, "we've been looking for him for ages!"

"If he found an apple from Whispy Woods..." the tree talking to me turned to his/its friends.

"...it could be used to bring Whispy back to life!" its/his friend realized out loud.

"But these apples aren't from Whispy," the third finished. Disgusted, the trees threw the apples away.

"Why don't we have Kirby spit out all the apples?" I tried, "they're in good condition. We can find one that belonged to Whispy!"

But the trees were through listening. "Avenge our king!" they rasped, picking up Kirby by the arms and legs. They began stretching him out! "NO!" I gasped, "you'll hurt him! You'll kill him!" As soon as I uttered the word 'kill' Tiff and Tuff went pale. I was cut off by rough laughter. The three trees fell over, sliced in two. Suddenly, a strange device grabbed Kirby and picked him up. Next, Tiff was pulled away from me before I could grab her. Then Tuff. Then Tokkori. Then...

"OOF!" I landed on top of everyone. Everything was dark. Where are we? I wondered. I knew Dedede was probably behind it. We seemed to be moving. Maybe we were in his jeep's trunk. I was relieved I wasn't scared of tight spaces.

After what seems like hours, the jeep stopped. I heard noises from outside. But no one came to get us. Finally I had enough. "That's it," I told the kids, "we're getting OUT."

--

The four of us had gone back to my house and designed a few signs to hold up. I had learned that Dedede had turned to woods into some corny country club, and immediately wanted the forest back. Tuff was carrying a sign that read, 'Return the Woodland'. Tiff's said 'SAVE WOODS', and mine declared, 'DAMN THE COUNTRY CLUB, BRING BACK WHISPY!' It was rude, but I liked it. Escargoon, who was trying to make an announcement while standing next to Dedede, stared at us in disbelief.

"We want Whispy! We want Whispy!" Tiff, Tuff, and I chanted, waving the signs.

Dedede waved a hand. "Guards, get these peabrains outta my castle!" Waddle-Dees holding spears surrounded us. I glared at Dedede. "You'll pay for fucking with nature, bird. I swear."

Dedede stuck his beak up in the air. "You think you scare me, Lorelei? I got my golf course. You're too poor too do anything 'bout THAT." His words made me angry. I felt my face go red. Seeing my reaction, Dedede went on, "I hope you remember to say g'bye to your little guy, Kirby." He seemed to be looking at something. I followed his eyes and gasped. Kirby, who had wandered off without my noticing, was standing a few feet away from us, upside down, looking confused. "What are you going to do to him?" I asked angrily.

Dedede didn't answer. Instead, he picked up his mallet and walked over to where Kirby was. Escargoon followed him, carrying a case of golf clubs, casting me a smug glance. I flashed him my middle finger and he turned away at once. I knew there was nothing I could do (I didn't want to get turned into escargot) but pray. Please, Kirby... think of something.

Dedede grinned fiendishly and raised the mallet. But before he could even touch Kirby, Kirby's eyes went wide and he spat out a glowing apple! The apDedple flew through the air and landed deep into the ground. Oh my God. It's Whispy's apple!

Escargoon and Dedede peered into the little hole. "What's that?" Dedede wanted to know. His question was answered as a huge leaf sprouted from the ground. Escargoon's jaw dropped. Within seconds, the little plant grew into a huge tree! Whispy!

"It's Whispy Woods!" Dedede cried. Escargoon clung to him. What a baby. The tree grew larger still, until little apples began to appear on the leaves. Tiff, Tuff, and I smiled in pride. "Whispy!" Tiff said.

Whispy, now back to life, glowered at Dedede and Escargoon. He used his roots to snatch Dedede's hammer and smacked the greedy pair with all of his might. Screaming, the two flew a few yards away and landed in the dirt.

Whispy seemed to relax, and let his apples gently rain down around Kirby. But Whispy wasn't done. He used the mallet to smack an apple into the ground. A new tree soon grew. Whispy did this several times, until all the trees seemed to have returned. The DDD Country Club was no more. Everyone jumped, clapped, and cheered. "Whispy Woods is back in town, baby!" I rejoyced, pumping my fist.

--

It was late at night. I had taken the kids and Tokkori back to the woods. We all sat high up in Whispy's branches, munching on apples. I noticed Dedede and Escargoon trudge over, completely unaware of us. "I've been stuck in the woods all day, and I've been following you all night," Dedede was saying. He pointed right. "This is the way out!"

Escargoon looked distraught. "Sire, we've tried that way, trust me. That's the way out." He pointed the other way.

Dedede jumped up and down in anger. "THAT WAY!" He was stubborn, but so was Escargoon."THAT way!" he yelled back. Dedede looked fed up. "I'm going that way (he meant his way) you slug!"

"Whatever!" Escargoon retorted. The two turned their backs and each other and stormed off. They lasted two, maybe three seconds before they both came scurrying back, clinging to each other in terror. Both were wailing their heads off.

"I'M SCARED OF WHISPY WOODS!"

"I am t-too, s-sire!"

The two stopped crying, though still frightened, and began walking away from our tree. Dedede was screaming for help, while Escargoon said something quietly that I couldn't catch. I didn't care, though. They'd been asking for it. Kirby popped an apple in his mouth, looked at me, and smiled. "Poyo!"